LevitiCorp Studios Presents
In Association With Porno Lad
Production and The Church of Alana Starr
An Ethan Von Aaron Production
Directed by some homeless dude
who smells funny
THE FIVE MUSKETEERS
Featuring
Leviticus
Alexeia Von Aaron
A Monkey with a blonde wig
wearing a Brittany Lohan t-shirt
Godzilla
The Official IWC Dalek
Casting by Alana Starr
Music Composed by Ludwig Von Beethoven
Production Designer: Kordelia
Price
The Most Loved Musketeers In France is strolling down the
dirty, dingy streets on the outskirts of Paris.
These dusty roads are filled with merchants, buyers and sellers, and
tourists, most of whom surrender like good Frenchies the moment Levi passes
them by. He is whistling happily as he
goes along, looking for his fellow musketeers so that they can fight off the
evil that has just permeated the land…
Hapless Villagers: NO!
NOT ANOTHER SEASON OF THE BACHELORETTE!
No, not another season of The Bachelorette, for that great
evil has already come upon our great land and cannot be stopped. This great evil I am referring to is…
Hapless Villagers: ANOTHER TWILIGHT FILM WITH SPARKLING
VAMPIRES?!
No, not another twilight film with sparkly vampires, now if
you will…
Hapless Villagers: BRUSSELL SPROUTS DIPPED IN GOAT CHEESE?!
Will you shut up and let me finish?
Hapless Villagers: Sorry.
No wonder you stupid villagers are so hapless. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, this great evil is none other than
the dawning of Sinistry’s dominance in the beloved IWC. Oh but the great and wonderful people of
IWC-Land have wonderful, brave, and strong heroes to fight for them! Heroes who have fought the good fight…
An image of Alana
Starr pops up on the screen.
Heroes who have sacrificed everything for this industry.
An image of Porno Lad
pops up onto the screen.
And now they have another great warrior ready to stand up
and fight for them against all the odds!
An image of Chuck
Norris pops up onto the screen.
Levi: HEY! That’s not
me!
Some Homeless Dude Who Smells Funny (from off screen):
Sorry!
We cut back to Leviticus who stands there posing proudly in
his musketeers regalia.
Levi: That’s right! I
am The Most Loved Musketeer in Paris and a dashingly handsome man, but as great
as I am, not even I can take down the evil sinistry all on my own. I need partners to assist me in my quest to
rescue IWC from ultimate doom! So where
are my musketeers?
“EXTERMINATE!”
Levi: That sounds like Athos!
The bald headed musketeer turns to find a dalek rolling round
the town zapping seemingly random people, though they are not random. One figure the dalek zaps is wearing a
Brittany Lohan t-shirt while another it zaps is wearing an Aerik Walker
baseball hat.
Athos: EXTERMINATE!
The Titan of Twitter walks up to Athos and pats him on his
head. He spins around.
Athos: EXTERMINATE!
Levi: Whoa, whoa, hold on there buddy, no exterminating me…I’m
your partner, remember? The Most Loved
Musketeer in Paris!
Athos: This film is foolish.
I must exterminate enemies of GOOD!
Levi: Look, you’re being paid pretty damn well for this, so
do your job tin can!
Athos: Whatever…EXTERMINATE!
He rolls his eyes as he turns and walks off, Athos in
tow. It isn’t long before the ground
starts quaking.
Athos: ESCAPE! ESCAPE! ESCAPE!
The short, mechanical Athos tries to get away but Levi holds
him back.
Levi: Hold on there, Athos.
That’s nothing to fear, it’s just…
“GREEEONK!”
Levi: …Aramis!
A large green foot slams down next to Levi and Athos. The two look up to see that it is a giant
green lizard, oddly enough with a Total War t-shirt on.
Athos: OH.MY.GOD.ITS.GODZILLA!
Levi: No, no, no, not Godzilla…ARAMIS!
Aramis: GREEEEONK!
“You can’t stop us, musketeers!”
The three men…or rather the man, the dalek, and Godzilla…suddenly
turn around. Behind them is a dark
skinned woman and next to her is a monkey wearing a blonde wig and a Brittany
Lohan t-shirt.
Alexeia: Did I say that right?
Levi (frustrated): YES!
You said it right! Just keep
going1
Alexeia: Ok, um…the great…wait is this right?
Levi: JUST READ THE SCRIPT!
Alexeia: Ok, but it doesn’t make sense. BY THE NAME OF THE GODNESS OF GOODNESS ALANA
STARR, we…The Pestilence…shall prevail!
Isn’t that right, Jessica?
Jessica Wilde: OOOOO!
OOOOO! EEEEEE! EEEEEE!
She hands the Jessica a banana.
Alexeia: Good girl!
Will the musketeers stop
Sinistry?
Will Alana Starr finally get a
title match?
Will Peter Capaldi make a
decent doctor?
Does my breath smell bad?
All of this and more will be
answered at…EXTREME FURY!
